Dear Dad,

Dad,

 I just heard a song that made my heart ache more than it has in a very long time. It’s called “Dance Like No One’s Watching” and it’s about a father/daughter relationship and how she grows up with a dad that teaches her about love, trust and how to navigate the world on her own.

 Why couldn’t you do that for me? I guess I have actually learned to accept the whys. I know you didn’t have a childhood that gave you the tools to be the kind of dad I needed. I know you loved me. I actually feel a tiny bit of that love from you in my heart now. It’s a funny thing though. Knowing the whys, and even having some compassion for why you were the way you were, doesn’t take away that ache. It is so deep that it physically hurts.

 I don’t like to “wish” for things that can never be. It just seems to cause me pain. But for a few moments I do feel that “wish” again.

The wish that you were someone I could trust.

The wish that you had held my hand as a little girl and made me feel safe.

The wish that I could have stepped on your feet as you taught me to dance.

The wish that you had come to father/daughter events at school.

The wish that you had walked me down the aisle.

The wish that there had been a father/daughter dance.

The wish that my children had a grandpa that loved and played with them.

The wish that I had felt sad at your funeral and been able to shed tears.

The wish that I looked forward to seeing you again should there be a life after death.

So many wishes unfulfilled. Wishes that aren’t unreasonable for a daughter to wish from her father.

 So here we are. Again. I am more comfortable in my own skin now. I am comfortable being me without worrying what others think of me - what YOU would think of me. I have always been enough Dad. Even though you never taught me that, I have always been enough.

 Your daughter.